funny tings we say

coach gal: (calling roll) ryan greuel?
ryan: here.
gal: are you related to dan greuel?
ryan: yeah.
gal: do you play baseball?
ryan: no.
gal: neither does he.

mr. wagner: so, it's very important that if you see standing water, you do not go in it.
student: why?
mr wagner: number one, if there is lightning, you can get electrocuted. number two, (no pun intended), the water probably won't be very sanitary.
dan: eww!

mr. long: if foreign prices go up you are more likely to buy things made in...
class: China!

on a television show called "i want a famous face", about people who get loads of cosmetic surgery performed

girl who had just had hair line lowered, brow bone shaved, nose done, and breasts enlarged to looke like j-lo: i didn't want my boobs to be too big, because j-lo is so, you know, natural.

aunt donna: it's getting hot in here...
dan's dad: why is that TV so loud in there?
dan: well, temperature and volume are directly proportional.

emily: i finished priming my room.
dan: that was fast!
emily: that's because paint prime is speed!!

emily: you're like a less-powerful version of vladimir putin!
mr long: are you calling me a tin-pot dictator?
emily: better than a des-pot dictator!

emily's mom: i got my walking cast on today, and i thought that things would be better... but i realize now that it's just a step.
emily: *smile*

npr guy: ... found the arm-bone of what may have been an important link between water- and land-dwelling creatures. theoretical constructions of the creature show that it may have been five feet long, and had enormous arm strength, as if it were made for doing push ups.
emily's dad: it must have been a marine animal.
emily: ahhh! let me out of the car! this is too much! too much!

mr kroncke: ... so the unification of korea would necessarily entail the fall of the north korean regime. and they just weren't going to stand for that.
emily: !

(i am apparently the only person who finds this funny.)