funny tings we say

[talking on the phone, late at night]
emily: this probably won't be a very good conversation.. i'm so tired, and it'll only get worse. i'm starting to see dream-hallucinations.
dan: what are you seeing now?
emily: a bowling ball chasing men on horseback. a giant bowling ball.
dan: with teeth?
emily: no, don't be silly.

emily: want something to eat?
dan: how about some cold pheasant?
emily: what's that you say? cold peasant?
emily: [in cockney accent] please sir! don't eat me! [shivers violently]

walking down the street
emily: i wonder what i have to do to cast an abstentee ballad.
dan: an absentee ballad? don't you mean..
emily: [sings loudly, passionately] i miss yooooouuuu, and i wish you were heeeereeee...
dan: emily! there are people behind us!
emily: i guess i'd have to register with the american idol embassy. heh, sorry.

dan: [eats a cheese curd]
emily: you know dan, as delicious as dairy products are, they have no fiber at all. you should really have some broccoli. it's a good source of iron, too! and if you're not eating meat, you need to compensate.
dan: whatever. i'll just eat a magnet.

emily: i don't want to play any more board games.
omar: i only want to play if the stakes are death.
emily: i don't know about death, but i can make them rare.
omar: well-done, emily.
emily: one more pun like that, and i'll be serving you bloody.
omar: i want to make sure i steer clear of that.
emily: let's just sit down and chew the fat.

quiz bowl judge: spelling is not important on the group sheets, as long as we understand what you mean.
quiz bowler: what about foreign language words?
quiz bowl judge: world language spelling must be exact, including accents.
dan b-p: stress! stress! stress!